Oh S.E. X., you know, the mattress miombo, the deed, humping, the nasty, smooshing, shang, bang, the thing most people do that no one wants to talk about or acknowledge for that matter. I am here today to tell you about an elite group of professional that have built a career out of talking about you guessed it, sex! If you ever wondered what exactly a sex therapist does and what a session with one entail, you are not alone. The topic of sex, in general, is considered a taboo topic in U.S. society it is not surprising that there is a bit of mysticism around sex therapy. However, if you continue reading this blog post, today is the lucky day you are about to get the inside scoop on sex therapy from me, Lily Dunlap a sex therapist out of the Chicagoland area.
A sex therapist is someone who works in the mental health field that has participated in specialized training focused on addressing a patient’s mental/physical issues affecting his or her sexual function, drive, and/or desire. If you should decide that you like to seek the services of a sex therapist you want to select someone who’s credentialed state that have gone through additional training outside of their degree requirements such as specialization/certification training or are credentialed by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). You may be wondering now what sort of sexual issues does a sex therapist treat? The answer is that sex therapists see a variety of patients with different sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction, pre-ejaculation disorder, delayed ejaculation disorder, sexual trauma, pelvic pain, painful sex, communication/relationship issues between partners, anxiety, desire issues, incorporating kink in a healthy way, gender identity issues, treating pedophilia, shame around sex, sexual orientation issues, fetish issues, sexual issues related to physical disabilities, sexual addiction and orgasm issues just to name a few. Believe it or not, sexual issues are not at all uncommon in fact around 43% of women and 31% of men report experiencing some degree of sexual dysfunction in their lifetime according to the Cleveland Clinic. Sexual issues can arise from a number of causes such as illness, trauma, aging, medication side effects, and injury.
So, what exactly goes on in a sex therapy session? Well first of all let me say that there is a common misconception that sex therapists engage in sexual acts with their patients as a part of the treatment process, this is very incorrect. It is considered a legal and ethical violation for a sex therapist to engage in any sort of sexual relationship with patients. Additionally, sex therapists do not watch patients engage in sexual acts. However, there exist a group of professionals called sexual surrogates that are not sex therapist that work with patients on sexual issues by engaging in sexual acts with their clients. More information about sexual surrogates can be found here https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/what-is-surrogate-partner-therapy . During a session with a sex therapist, you will describe your sexual problems. The therapist will work with you to assess if the problem is psychological, physical, or a combination thereof and as to why it may be occurring. Over the course of the sessions, the sex therapist will work with you to find the best solution which may include weekly homework and or exercises, referrals, and consolations with other healthcare providers to achieve the desired treatment goals. You can see a sex therapist individually or as a couple and of course, all sessions are confidential.
Outside of conducting traditional sex therapy sessions many sex therapists engage and offer other services. Some sex therapists offer consulting and sensitivity training/workshops for different companies and businesses. Many sex therapists work as educators in the area of sexual health and wellness. Others conduct research over different areas of human sexuality. Some therapists also offer seminars and workshops for couples on different topics such as fetishes, kink, communication, relationship maintenance, and sex toy use.
Below are some links to some great resources for sexual health and wellness:
Lubricants
If you ever wondered if you are using the right lube or if all lubricates are the same here is a link that breaks down what makes a great lube for maximum pleasure and comfort.
https://badvibesdotorg.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/lube-guide-every-body-edition.pdf
Sex Toys
Oh, sex toys! Globally in 2020 the sex toy industry generated $31 billon chances are you or someone you know owns one. If you are curious about the different sex toys on the market or are considering buying one Love Honey is great place to start. Orientally, based out of England Love Honey now sells products globally. What makes Love Honey unique is that on their website they have number of educational videos over different sex toys and their use. They also offer a unique return policy, if you are not satisfied with your purchase for any reason, they allow you to return the product or exchange it for a different one. Of course they do not resell returned items.
Here is a list of some great books to consider adding to your collection
Getting the Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson, Ph.D.
Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein, Ph.D.
Guide To Getting It On by Paul Joannides ,Psy. D.
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski ,Ph.D.
She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman, Ph.D.
- Lily Dunlap, LMAFT
*disclaimer the author of the bog post does not endorse any products or services advertised on any the above websites