Enter Player YOU

Videogames have been an increasing part of the younger generation’s culture and experience for roughly 40 years. Over that time, videogames, and the people who play them have developed some negative reputations. Videogames have been said to lead to children acting violently. People who play videogames, particularly “too often” or who continue to play past adolescence can be seen as isolating themselves. But is any of this true? Do videogames cause this much harm, or do they actually have potential benefits?

It turns out that the research does not back up the idea that videogames cause violent behaviors, and even most parents believe they do not cause such behaviors. A study from Harvard University shows that 66% of teens play videogames which involve violence, but that 62% of their parents believe the games do not affect their child’s behavior one way or the other. In fact, federal crime statistics show a significant decrease in violent crime among youths since 1996, even as video game sales have soared in that same time.

Researchers have looked for a causal link between videogames and violent behavior for years, and have largely agreed that this link does not exist. The American Psychiatric Association has stated “scant evidence has emerged that makes any causal or [even] correlational connection between playing violent videogames and actually committing violent activities.” To really drive home the point, it was said that “the data on bananas causing suicide is about as conclusive.” In fact, even the supreme court agrees, having struck down a California law banning the sale of violent video games to children in 2011, disagreeing with the evidence they proposed in support of the law. Justice Antonin Scalia wrote that “these studies have been rejected by every court to consider them, and with good reason: they do not prove that violent videogames cause minors to act aggressively.”

So, are videogames isolating? No, similar to our last stereotype, this one is largely agreed to be incorrect as well. More than 70% of those who play videogames play with friends, and there are millions of people across the world who play massive multiplayer online videogames. Not only are gamers not isolating, they are also not psychologically removed from others like the shut-ins they can be described as. It has been found that those who play even violent videogames often incorporate cooperation in the game, and are more likely to be helpful to others even in the real world.

So, videogames aren’t evil, but aren’t they still a waste of time? Wrong again – I should probably stop putting words in your mouth if I’m just going to make you be wrong every time, that’s lame. Anyway, research has shown that videogames may strengthen many different cognitive abilities including navigation, reasoning, and memory. Particularly in shooter video games, it was found that these games improve a person’s ability to perceive objects in three dimensions as well as academic courses designed to teach the same skills. Playing videogames can also help the development of problem-solving skills.

Videogames have potential for even more surprising advantages. They have been shown to successfully treat individuals with lazy eyes. It has also been shown that some action-based videogames improved performance in locating a target quickly in a field of distractors, or items they are not specifically looking for. This is associated with improvements in driving ability as well. Interestingly, videogames can even improve impulsive behaviors. Similarly, videogames have been shown to lead to significantly improved performance in engaging in multiple tasks simultaneously, which could also be beneficial in tasks such as driving. Playing videogames have been associated with improving dyslexic children’s scores on tests of reading, and even combating mental decline. Especially with elderly participants, who may be seeing a decline in some areas cognitively, videogames have been show to result in improvement in cognitive flexibility, attention, working memory, and abstract reasoning.

Sorry kids, this doesn’t mean that you can play videogames all day long. First, current recommendations for total screen time per day are approximately 2 hours. This sounds ridiculous in our day and age, between phones, TVs, computers, and videogames, and it is true that many people will not meet this recommendation, but it is good to keep in mind. Most of us do not meet the recommendation for how much water to drink in a day (2.7 – 3.7 liters a day for adults), but it is good to know the recommendation to at least aim in that direction. Also, even with as many benefits have been found for videogames, they cannot fix everything. We still need to get fresh air and exercise, eat healthily, and continue to learn, as children and adults. But at least it is good to know that videogames aren’t evil.

- John Bajorek

The Birds, the Bees and Sex Therapy?

Oh S.E. X., you know, the mattress miombo, the deed, humping, the nasty, smooshing, shang, bang, the thing most people do that no one wants to talk about or acknowledge for that matter. I am here today to tell you about an elite group of professional that have built a career out of talking about you guessed it, sex! If you ever wondered what exactly a sex therapist does and what a session with one entail, you are not alone. The topic of sex, in general, is considered a taboo topic in U.S. society it is not surprising that there is a bit of mysticism around sex therapy. However, if you continue reading this blog post, today is the lucky day you are about to get the inside scoop on sex therapy from me, Lily Dunlap a sex therapist out of the Chicagoland area.

 A sex therapist is someone who works in the mental health field that has participated in specialized training focused on addressing a patient’s mental/physical issues affecting his or her sexual function, drive, and/or desire. If you should decide that you like to seek the services of a sex therapist you want to select someone who’s credentialed state that have gone through additional training outside of their degree requirements such as specialization/certification training or are credentialed by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).  You may be wondering now what sort of sexual issues does a sex therapist treat? The answer is that sex therapists see a variety of patients with different sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction, pre-ejaculation disorder, delayed ejaculation disorder, sexual trauma, pelvic pain, painful sex, communication/relationship issues between partners, anxiety, desire issues, incorporating kink in a healthy way, gender identity issues, treating pedophilia, shame around sex, sexual orientation issues, fetish issues, sexual issues related to physical disabilities, sexual addiction and orgasm issues just to name a few. Believe it or not, sexual issues are not at all uncommon in fact around 43% of women and 31% of men report experiencing some degree of sexual dysfunction in their lifetime according to the Cleveland Clinic. Sexual issues can arise from a number of causes such as illness, trauma, aging, medication side effects, and injury.

 So, what exactly goes on in a sex therapy session? Well first of all let me say that there is a common misconception that sex therapists engage in sexual acts with their patients as a part of the treatment process, this is very incorrect. It is considered a legal and ethical violation for a sex therapist to engage in any sort of sexual relationship with patients. Additionally, sex therapists do not watch patients engage in sexual acts. However, there exist a group of professionals called sexual surrogates that are not sex therapist that work with patients on sexual issues by engaging in sexual acts with their clients. More information about sexual surrogates can be found here https://www.surrogatetherapy.org/what-is-surrogate-partner-therapy . During a session with a sex therapist, you will describe your sexual problems. The therapist will work with you to assess if the problem is psychological, physical, or a combination thereof and as to why it may be occurring. Over the course of the sessions, the sex therapist will work with you to find the best solution which may include weekly homework and or exercises, referrals, and consolations with other healthcare providers to achieve the desired treatment goals. You can see a sex therapist individually or as a couple and of course, all sessions are confidential.

 Outside of conducting traditional sex therapy sessions many sex therapists engage and offer other services. Some sex therapists offer consulting and sensitivity training/workshops for different companies and businesses. Many sex therapists work as educators in the area of sexual health and wellness. Others conduct research over different areas of human sexuality. Some therapists also offer seminars and workshops for couples on different topics such as fetishes, kink, communication, relationship maintenance, and sex toy use.

Below are some links to some great resources for sexual health and wellness:

Lubricants

If you ever wondered if you are using the right lube or if all lubricates are the same here is a link that breaks down what makes a great lube for maximum pleasure and comfort.     

https://badvibesdotorg.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/lube-guide-every-body-edition.pdf

Sex Toys 

Oh, sex toys! Globally in 2020 the sex toy industry generated $31 billon chances are you or someone you know owns one. If you are curious about the different sex toys on the market or are considering buying one Love Honey is great place to start. Orientally, based out of England Love Honey now sells products globally. What makes Love Honey unique is that on their website they have number of educational videos over different sex toys and their use. They also offer a unique return policy, if you are not satisfied with your purchase for any reason, they allow you to return the product or exchange it for a different one. Of course they do not resell returned items.      

https://www.lovehoney.com

Here is a list of some great books to consider adding to your collection

Getting the Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson, Ph.D.  

Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein, Ph.D.   

Guide To Getting It On by Paul Joannides ,Psy. D.  

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski ,Ph.D.

She Comes First by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman, Ph.D.

  - Lily Dunlap, LMAFT

*disclaimer the author of the bog post does not endorse any products or services advertised on any the above websites  

Dialectic Behavioral Therapy: How it works

For those of you who may have been in therapy or in some kind of counseling program, the term DBT likely has been talked about. Today, we’re going to talk about what DBT is and how it is applicable to everyone. DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy. As part of this therapy, individuals learn skills training to help with managing everyday stressors, communication skills, and interpersonal skills. It is to help individuals be able to hold two opposing ideas or feelings at the same time.

Life isn’t black and white and these skills help individuals see the gray areas in life and see scenarios from more than one perspective. Remember, there are always three sides to a story: Your side, their side, and then there’s the truth. There are a few different goals for skills training. First and foremost, it can help people live a more meaningful life through acceptance of yourself and your own actions. Secondly, it helps change behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that can lead to more problems and more distress, which ultimately helps decrease suffering that can people can feel on a day-to-day basis.

Another reason why skills training can be so helpful to everyone is because it also teaches us problem solving skills. If you think about it, how would you solve a problem step by step? Some people might have difficulty explaining how to solve problems and where to even begin solving a problem. We all have problems we run into on a daily basis that can range from being simple to really complex. Skills training breaks down these steps so that they are understandable and relatable to everyone.

Let’s give an example of one of the skills that can be useful for everyone. This skill is useful for when you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed and may not know what to do besides scream. One of the skills that can helpful is called TIPP. The T stands for temperature, meaning to change your body temperature using cold water or ice. The I stands for intense exercise, meaning to go for a walk, climb stairs, jump up and down, anything that is going to increase your heart rate. The P stands for paced breathing, such as breathing in and counting to five. The last P stands for paired muscle relaxation, which means to tense your muscles when breathing in and relax them when breathing out.

These are all things we all can do to help ourselves calm down when we’ve just had enough. Given the pandemic, we’re all in this together and we need to find healthy ways to relax. This is just one example of how DBT skills can help in your everyday life.

- Kim Wendel, LPC

To Football or Not to Football?

That is the question. The question I get asked almost as much as what supplements someone should be taking (which is a totally separate blog post that’ll come later).

I’m gonna start this post with some facts before I get into my opinion on football. Football is a dying sport. Childhood enrollment in youth leagues has steadily declined over the last decade and continues to decline, either because children are finding other interests like STEM activities or other sports, or because parents are becoming acutely aware of the physical impact football can have on their child’s development. Sustaining one concussion, whether it’s from football, a car accident…. whatever, has been linked to an increase in anxiety and irritable behavior in some children; however, contact sports were the biggest cause of concussions with football being a big perpetrator.

It’s also common knowledge that the NFL is being sued by former players for promoting a “suck it up or you don’t get paid” attitude and for not providing treatment for these former players when they present with neurological disorders likely related to their time playing football.

And then we have the emergence of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a serious brain disorder that is caused by repeated blows to the head, which results in Alzheimer-like plaques developing on the brain creating a whole host of serious mental illness. Cases where former football players engaged in violent behavior or ended their lives because of CTE have propelled the injuries the brain sustains in football to the forefront of the media, Aaron Hernandez being the most notable. There is an excellent podcast on him called Gladiator that I highly recommend.

Not everyone’s brain is created equally. Someone can sustain one, or even a few concussions and experience minimal to no adverse effects, while others get one concussion and may have long-term damage. The big conundrum is… we can’t tell which brain you or child has. You may be fine playing football or playing football and sustaining one concussion may lead to serious consequences. It isn’t until after the concussion(s) have happened that we realize there is a problem and, in some cases, that’s when it’s too late. Even CTE can’t be formally diagnosed without a brain autopsy.

I definitely struggle with the football thing because, as a neuropsychologist, my answer is a resounding no. Nobody should be playing contact sports. Our bodies were not designed to sustain brut force hits that cause our brains to rattle around in our skulls. Yes, I realize that helmets have come a long way, but they only stop the skull from sustaining damage. They don’t stop the brain from sliding against the inside of skull causing axonal sheering, nor do they stop the brain from coming into contact with the skull following a tackle. Remember, the brain has a lot of protection and is held tightly in place by the spinal cord, but it’s still free floating the cerebrospinal fluid within the skull.

However as a parent, I understand the tradition of football. I understand the excitement of watching your child excel at something they enjoy and I love the feeling of cheering them on when they do succeed.

But, then again, is a game really worth the risk? The choice is up to you.

Let me know what you think it the comments section.

So.... You Got Your Kid Through High School, Now What?

If you’ve been alive and reading the news within the past few weeks, I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines about Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman paying massive amounts of money - read bribing - top universities to let their, possibly unqualified children into said university to…. study? Learn? Who knows.

If you’re like me, your first reaction was probably something like, “WHAT?! Not Aunt BECKY!” Although, one should not assume that Lori Loughlin is anything like her Full House character in real life, but I digress. What I want to talk about is the bigger picture. No, not the fact that some very wealthy people paid a LOT of money just so their children could have the privilege of saying they went to a prestigious university. No, not the fact that the educational system is often rigged in favor of the wealthy. The bigger picture is the fact that these parents paid this money to get their kids into college, with no thoughts about the consequences and I’m not talking about consequences of the legal kind either.

The consequences I’m talking about are the ones that fall on their children. Consequences I see every day in my practice. I often hear parents talk about “helping” - read doing the work for their children - because their children don’t understand the importance of graduating high school so they can get into a good college… which is true! Our kids don’t know the value of a good education because their frontal lobes haven’t developed enough to understand that our current actions have future consequences. But, I could also argue that parents also don’t know how their current actions create future consequences.

Let me paint a picture for you. A parent sits across from me telling me they did little Susie’s homework because she’s tired and has too many other commitments to be bothered to finish her math homework. And it was just one time, she’ll get her time management skills under control eventually and the parent won’t have to do her homework again. Then, next week, the same parent comes back saying they did not only the math homework, but the English homework as well, because Susie was again tired and burnt out from all of her commitments. The following week, it’s math, science, and English… then the next week it’s math, science, English, and the art project. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this and I promise my story has a point.

Yes, our children often don’t understand the importance of getting good grades and graduating high school, so they can get into a good college, get a good job, and be successful in life. We know that because we’ve either made the mistake of not taking high school seriously, or vice versa, so we know what’s at stake. Our children are not wired for to understand good grades = good life right now, but when we do FOR them, they don’t learn either. They don’t learn good organizational skills, they don’t learn how to manage their time, and they definitely don’t learn how to do math! What they do learn is that they can be lazy, and that mom and dad will be there to do it for them.

So, you get your kid through high school by doing their work for them, then what? Will you go with them to college and do their work for them there? Will you be there to wake them up and make sure they are on time to class? Will you be there to talk to their teachers and intercede on their behalf when they miss class, or forget to do their work? Maybe colleges should build dorms for parents…. just kidding… that would be weird. It is possible that if your child stays home and goes to a local or community college that you might be there to do all of those things for them and if that’s the case, replace the word high school with college in the title and text, and apply the rest of what I’m saying to the time when your child has a job.

The skills your child learns in high school follow them. Shoot, the skills your child learns in preschool follow them! And even though, for a little while, it was our job as parents to “do for,” as the child gets older, our job changes to “teach them how to do for themselves.” Many times children are not lazy (in some cases yes, but not all), they are a product of what they’ve been taught. It is quite possible that Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman’s children were perfectly capable of getting into a prestigious school all by themselves, but their parents never really gave them a chance to figure that out, did they?

Let me be clear. I’m not judging any parent who sees them self in anything I’ve said so far. We’re all likely guilty of stepping in and doing for our kids at some point because we’re freaking parents! I don’t want to see my children hurt, or fall behind, or struggle. The mother in me would actually like to wrap them in bubble wrap and keep them with me always, but the clinician in me knows that’s not healthy. Children need to make mistakes. They need to fail. Otherwise, they won’t learn.

And that, my friends, is the moral of the story, set your child up to be the best child they can be. Give them the tools they need to be successful. TEACH them good time management skills. TALK to them about their experience in school and where they think they need help and SEEK help if they need it. Neurofeedback works great for a variety of mental health disorders like ADHD, anxiety, or slow cognitive processing. Counseling can do a tremendous amount of good for those who need to talk out their problems. If you’re not sure what kind of help your child needs, you can always do psychological testing to figure things out. You have resources at your disposal and your children, when they’re older… much older… will thank you for it.

Probably.

Drop a comment below and let me know your side of the story.